Therapeutic Values that may enhance life (Part 2)
Finding the meaning in difficult times can be distinguishing. It can lift us out of despair and even help invigorate us to keep climbing towards our goals or endeavor further through life. What can we do once meaning has been found or is not really needed? Do we hyper examine the intricacies of our lives? To continue part two of this three part essay, we will be exploring the second value Frankl placed emphasis on. The value of experiencing.
I once worked with a Client who was dead set on the purpose of absolutely everything. He was indeed neurotic at the time. “ What’s the meaning of Breakfast?” “ Why do I have to do this, it has to have some sort of meaning.” It was indeed difficult bringing the baser faculties of life into his view. One evening before his appointment I plotted an elaborate treatment plan to counteract his hyperreflexia. I had brought one of my favorite texts, was going to implement grounding techniques and if need be really push some creativity onto him.
He strolls in to our 6 p.m. appointment promptly and sits down on the couch. I couldn’t pinpoint it but a certain amount of levity existed around him. Anxiety usually accompanied this Client like clouds cling to the sky. What was so different about him? What happened? What changed and why now? This new frivolous person sits opposite of me, his former duress and callousness melted away. What else could I do but begin.
Therapist: It’s good to see you, how are things?
Client: (Deep exhale) Things are good as of late.
Therapist: as of late?
Client: Yeah man, we had a couple of pretty intense sessions. I was almost getting tired of myself.
Therapist: tired of yourself, how so?
Client: To be honest, I didn’t want to waste time doing things when I could have been doing something else. What that something else was…. Well it never came up. So then I dissected the meaning of the wasted time and I’ve been trying to discover the meaning of everything.
Therapist: That’s a daunting task, likely with no end in sight. Did it feel overwhelming?
Client: God I don’t know how you could bear it, my friend finally snapped at me two days after I saw you last.
Therapist: snapped at you? Which friend
Client: This girl I’ve been going out with, we’d go on walks and talk about life. I guess last Friday she had had enough. I was asking her what the meaning of this walk was about. And she couldn’t take it anymore. ‘Would you please just stop!! I can’t take it anymore.’ She stormed off man, left me in the dust.
Therapist: What type of emotions did you feel about that?
Client: I was pretty pissed off. Felt like some type of idiot. I really just thought she didn’t get it.
Therapist: I see. It can be difficult when others have a hard time hearing us. So what did you do after?
Client: After the fiasco? I went home, sent her a text and apologized. She didn’t answer. I cracked open a beer and made dinner. Still fuming… I decided to watch a movie we were supposed to watch together. Have you seen The Last Stand of the Demeter?
Therapist: No, but it’s the Dracula movie right?
Client: Yup, I love horror and so does she. So I decided to stick it to her and watch it without her.
Therapist: How did that go?
Client: it’s funny you ask. Everything came full circle for me.
Therapist: Because of this movie?
Client: yeah man, so without any spoilers. One of the main characters is a physician and wants to discover the meaning of life. The captain replies to him ‘ life isn’t meant to be figured out, its meant to be experienced.’ I thought to myself during that scene and he’s right!
Therapist: Right about the experience?
Client: Yeah man! I mean knowing that things are meaningful is great, but not everything needs to be figured out. While I’ve been trying to figure shit out I’ve been missing out on all these experiences.
Therapist: Which experiences?
Client: My friends’ promotion, birthday parties, this woman and the time she’s spending with me. All of these experiences I have been dulled to. It really opened my eyes.
Therapist: So you felt this phrase?
Client: Felt it? God I was ecstatic. It was like the Einstein moment or Sir Isaac Newton with the apple. All the lights suddenly turned on.
Therapist: So if I’m getting this straight. You’ve come to the conclusion that we shouldn’t rob ourselves of fully experiencing all life has to offer, regardless of if there is a meaning?
Client: yeah, I mean we’re going to have tough times, and it’s great to know what we’ve gone through might be meaningful… But not everything has to have a meaning. The good, the bad, they are all experiences .
Therapist: Sounds like I need to watch this movie.
I followed up with the Client for a few more weeks but by then he was well on his way to living more fully. Experiencing this crazy phenomena we call life. He had stopped analyzing every little thing and even welcomed some of the noxious stimuli that life exudes on occasion. I stopped here to recollect and thought about Frankl before writing this section of the essay. Experiential values can keep us off the track of neurosis, ground us and place us in the moment. Instead of comparing to others, siphoning the meaning of something or complaining as to why we got the short end of the stick. Why not experience this situation? We are on a hurling rock orbiting a giant star, traversing through the cosmos. Would it hurt if we just took a few moments here and there and experienced this moment in time. After all, good or bad experiences, they’ll someday leave us and we may be wishing for just one more chance to experience whatever it was just one more time.